Taking a bite, out of Twilight

A few months ago, I was walking past Indigo bookstore when something caught my eye. Don't worry - it had nothing to do with Starbucks. It was actually a book called Twilight. With a stark black background and a shiny red apple gracing the cover, it definitely stood out from the other novels lining the table. Since curiosity always gets the better of me, I zipped into the store, picked it up, and quickly read the back cover. Sadly, it was nothing more than a vampire book.

Although I never ended up reading Twilight (I opted for Obama's biography that day), masses of people both young and old have been 'sucked' into this vampire series. So far, the Twilight books have sold more than 25 million copies worldwide. In addition to Twilight, Stephenie Meyer has written three more books in the series, including New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. It will be interesting to see how well these books fare on the big screen.

Like the Harry Potter series, Meyer's Twilight finally hit the big screens this month. Just last week the stars of the film graced the streets of downtown Toronto signing autographs at the MuchMusic hub. A day before the stars appearance, I ran into a coworker (at my oh-so wonderful retail job) who camped out for a night to see this dashing new star, Robert Pattinson. Camping out in Toronto, in the middle of November, to see a pale ass dude? Yea right. Luckily, I was saved from such an overrated mob scene. But, I did give in and see the movie.

I've never written a movie review, and in light of not reading the book, this might be a shot in the dark. But I stuck through more than two hours of mind numbing screenwriting, so I should be okay.

For starters, the main character, Isabella Swan, or 'Bella' as she would rather be called, opens the first scene preparing to leave for her father's house. Carrying a small cactus in her arm, she descends about the forlorn and desperately small town of Forks in Washington, to visit her dad. Unfortunately, the awkward tension between the two creates an uncomfortable and downcast tone throughout the movie. Moroever, the quick snapshot of the separated family, unfolds a little too fast and viewers are left hanging as to why Bella's parents are separated and why her mom is gallivanting across the country with her new beau (however, this is explained later, but in bits and pieces).

Watching the previews, I was surprised that the vampires, especially the cute young fella, Edward Cullen (played by Pattinson) didn't make an appearance right at the beginning. Instead of this dashing young vampire, I sat watching a sad and ghostly white girl trot around her new high school. Given her drab and sligtly introverted demeanour, its strange that she becomes an instant hit with nearly everyone at the school. Again, maybe I would have to read the book to understand why this is.

Thankfully, with her new possy in tow, Bella gets a rundown on the whole school, including the Cullen family. The Cullen's are not easy to miss since they are so frigging pale. I don't know whether to credit the makeup artist or tear her apart. Caked in a delicate white powder, the whole Cullen family struts around the set like a sickly bunch of anemics.

No big surprise, the Cullens turn out to be vampires. However, the strangest part about this family is that they can coexist with other humans without needing to feed off them. Moreover I still can't figure out, why Mr.Cullen (the father figure) assumes the role of a doctor. Come on, that's ridiculous. How can a vampire be exposed (on a daily basis) to the flesh and blood of humans, and still have the will power to resist having a little bite?

Like any romantic thriller, you would assume there would be some sort of romance between the two lovers. However, the physical tension between Edward and Bella definitely killed the whole Romeo and Juliet atmosphere. Unfortunately, it seemed more like a tragic comedy, especially in one of the earlier scenes when Bella is nearly crushed by a car and Edward, her vampire beau swoops in to save her. Instead of thanking him, the ensuing dialogue is sadly comical. Here is a snippet, just in case you missed it.

Bella: Are you going to tell me how you stopped the van?

Edward: Yeah. Um... I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google it

Anyways, besides a few moronic scenes (like the one above) the movie does improve. The two eventually muster up the courage to kiss. But that's it. He doesnt he even take one bite of her.

So, is it a worthwhile movie to spend a few bucks on? Yes and No.

Yes, if you enjoy a slow, choppy movie where unseasoned actors move awkwardly between scenes. No, if you are looking for an action-pacted, adrenaline rushing flick with actors who actually evoke some sort of emotion and passion as they spit out their lines.

Ofcourse, I might have enjoyed the film a whole lot more if I had read the book. But, I doubt it.

'Pale' and simple. It sucked.